I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
