sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
