How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Someone came in the potted fern
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
