looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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