You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
did i walk over a car last night?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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