I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
