Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
