There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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