Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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