she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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