I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
