Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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