If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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