omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize