I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
