my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
