Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
