Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
