I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
