just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
