He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
