My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
