the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
