dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
