You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize