So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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