I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
