2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
