He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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