NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
