Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
