Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
