Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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