I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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