Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
