Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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