I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
