I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
