Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
