I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
