Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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