my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
