I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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