He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
