apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
