I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
