I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
