Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize