If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
