he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
