Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
