you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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