I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
