She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
