Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
