Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
