forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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