I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
