Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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