What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
