I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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