Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
