why didn't you poke me back
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
