I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
