you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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