so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
